Monday April 2nd
2018
The day everything
changed for me. It happened, innocently enough, with an exchange
student making her presence into my twelve grade homeroom. There were
rumors already swirling about her. A troubled student, was never kept
in a school this final year for her for more than a week. It must
have been hard and, as a teacher, I wanted to do my absolute best to
help her. Her name was Tabitha Connor. Eighteen years of age and by
looks alone she was getting attention in the room. Her curling brown
locks cascading down beyond her slender shoulders, her face not quite
squared but not quite triangular dotted with the faint hue of
freckles along her cheeks, her skin was a caramel color and appeared
as though she lotioned it daily, lastly to my attention her eyes were
a harmonious green. I'm certainly getting ahead of myself here but
you needed to know that when she came into this room of mine she
demanded attention.
That first day,
however, pity on her was already set on a straining level. Shortly
after I began the morning announcements and making her introduction,
I found her working on her phone.
“Tabitha,” I
called out to her. “Please don't use your phone when I'm speaking.”
My tone was polite
and to the point. Though, with her nod and immediate disregard to my
request, my tone switched from polite to a little more forceful as I
held out my hand.
“I've warned you
about this. Please bring your phone up to me.”
Her smile, I'll
never forget it, it was so innocent yet scheming. Something was
formulating beneath those curls of hers as she approached the desk
placing the phone down on my desk. I only glanced down a moment when
she placed it on my desk but what I saw surprised me. I was,
thankfully, immediately able to regain my composure but not my voice
as I simply made a gesture for her to sit back down. By the time my
focus could fall onto the phone again, the screen had shut off but I
could still remember parts of what I saw. A woman, naked, holding
something and in some sort of awkward looking pose. Those were all
that were there for me to pick up on.
No, there was
something else. Something I didn't clue in on right away. Either
because I didn't realize or had tried to instantly forget. The woman,
in that short glimpse she looked familiar. Not like I had seen her a
lot, just maybe once or twice. But there was still something there. I
didn't dare look again to confirm what my suspicions were and just
resumed with the class.
Once the first
bell had rung, I erasing something about the announcements off the
board when I heard the soft heels approach my desk once more. Looking
back I saw Tabitha standing there still smiling back at me. It was
the same scheming smile she had on when she first approached my desk.
She purposely left the image open on her phone, I knew she had. She
didn't say anything, I think as she came for her phone she just
wanted to gauge my reaction. Worried. Little did I realize that was
exactly what she was hoping to see as she winked and took her leave.
The rest of the
day was a blur of only two words; who and why. Who was the woman I
felt was so familiar to me in the photo and why would Tabitha make
certain I saw it? Was it some sort of perverted sex game? Was it her
way of having fun with her teachers? Being a virgin with only four
dates under my belt she got a genuine reaction. A little lame
instilling that information but, believe me, it comes into play later
on. You might also be wondering why I've never come out on my own
looks. Mainly because there's not much there. Short red hair, pale
complexion, thick framed glasses, and the way I dressed it always
seemed like myself and the librarian were having a contest to see how
many students we could confuse. In my time of walking the halls I've
definitely been given my fair share of overdue books by rushing
students. What's a teacher to do then but return said books for them?
But this story isn't really about me, it's about her. Tabitha.
When I got home I
thought I could excuse my mind from the questions that had been
bothering me but the silence of my apartment only made them stronger.
There was no sleep for me that night as I spent it tossing and
turning thinking, trying to put the pieces of the photographic puzzle
in my mind. It wasn't like I wanted to. I'm sure it's happened to
you; you've spent so much time of the day thinking of a subject that
during the night your mind just continues to attack it and it makes
sense to you then but you don't know why. Then once you finally get
up for a drink of water you can't for the life of you get your mind
back to where it was and things stop making sense.
I knew at that
point I could have called in for a substitute, but I couldn't think
of an excuse other than “my mind was a wreck”. It seemed weak to
me, in my tired senses, so I lumbered my way to the classroom the
next morning and saw her. Tabitha. Smiling from her seat. Her skin
still smooth to the eyes, her hair bouncing when she turned, her eyes
bright and vibrant toward me. How I was beginning to loathe her.
Tuesday April 3rd
2018
Given that it was
Tuesday and, working from the circumstances of my teaching schedule,
I had an hour off for myself, which was definitely a godsend. With
the hour I could just stretch myself out or lounge in with some of
the other teachers in our designated “safe zone”. First on the
stop though was my mailbox in the office. Generally just
announcements on anything PTA related, Gurdy's having a baby, or
something about a coming event. This time there was a near blank
envelope rested in there with just my name in cursive on the front of
it. Miss. Donovan.
The letter itself
was incredibly light, like there might not have even been anything in
there to begin with. Though once I opened it I immediately found
myself in a massive field of regret. It was a printed out version of
that picture, which was on Tabitha's phone when she gave it to me. I
quickly folded it back up and turned walking back into my classroom,
the only place I knew I could catch enough solace to look over it in
peace. Not that I really wanted to, I felt that at this point I had
to.
Part of the
picture was as I remembered it; a woman naked in some sort of awkward
looking pose. She was holding up a sign though made from torn
cardboard that simply said “I Love U Tabitha”. The woman was
crouched down on her tiptoes, legs spread wide leaving everything
down there open for Tabitha's viewing pleasure. The note covered up
her breasts, but unless the woman had other means of concealing her
nipples they were most likely out as well. Her hair was disheveled
and her free hand was off to the side swinging a peace sign, which
told me someone else was clearly taking the picture. Tabitha herself
was my first guess. So maybe a girlfriend. But...no.
Looking at the
woman's face I indeed found myself recognizing her as a fellow
teacher I met during a conference once. I couldn't think of her being
a friend to the students as she always wore a scowl no matter that
topic was presented to her. Her hair was also pulled back in such a
tight bun it was as though touching it would make the entire thing
explode. Judging by her hair in this photo that's what must have
happened. Her face as well was bright, her eyes glistened, and her
mouth was brought into a wicked, wild looking smile. Like she had
just had the time of her life and, apparently, Tabitha was to thank
for it.
“Do you like
it?”
The sudden
question made me jump in my seat as I looked over and found Tabitha
standing in the doorway smiling back at me. I could only think of
folding up the sheet, slowly. I wish I had done it quicker, that way
maybe I could have mustered up the courage for something more. But,
as it was, all I could do was stare in silence as she made her
approach toward me with her phone still in hand.
“I don't want
for much in this world but when I do see something I want...I take
it. Or, it's given to me.”
Her smile only
grew more as she said that. I didn't know what it meant as all I
could think of was her wanting the teacher and somehow snatching her
for her own perverted games. My eyes would soon only be drawn away
from hers when I heard the gentle clacking of her phone being rested
back down on my desk. Tabitha then stepped back looking down over her
nails.
“Would you mind
holding this for me? I have such an aching to keep looking at it
and...you seem pretty trustworthy with it.”
She doesn't allow
me to say anything. She just waves the fingers of her right hand
mouthing a “bye” before turning and sauntering out of the
classroom. It isn't until she's gone that I began to realize she had
been skipping her class for this. But, somehow, that was on the
bottom of my worry list. Tabitha's phone was back in my possession
and there were at least thirty-eight new messages on there. I ignored
them, obviously.
As the day wore
on, however, I began to both wonder about the messages and just why I
was so trustworthy and, on top of that, when Tabitha was going to
come and pick up her phone. It was final period of the day and her
phone was still up on the desk where she had placed it down. Every
now and then I would turn and give it a quick glance wondering if I
was to find her in the school afterward and give it to her then.
The trustworthy
part, I believe, was her way of saying I wasn't going to tell anyone
about what was on her phone. Obviously I couldn't, not until I knew
what this was all about. Because I knew that the teacher in the image
was at least twice Tabitha's age if not ten years her senior and
while age wasn't a bad thing...I just wished she never even gave me
her stupid phone. The phone I had to take home when it became
apparent to me that, after half an hour following final bell, she
just wasn't going to come and retrieve it.
I had thought
about leaving it in my desk but felt that would be worse. Because if
someone found it and looked through it there would be some serious
consequences for both the teacher and Tabitha and a part of me didn't
want that. Again, I didn't understand what was going on. So I brought
it home with me.
During the car
ride my mind started planning out ways of dealing with this because
it couldn't be ignored. Obviously. I didn't have the teachers contact
information but I knew it was there on the phone. So when I arrived
at home I turned it on. However, much to my dismay, I found I had to
scroll through the new messages just to get to the one I needed. Not
that I looked at any of them but they all spelled out the same
statement “Notice me, Tabitha”. Message headers like “Love
you”, “Feel me”, “I need you”, and the one I was looking
for “Spread open for you”. The other thing was none of them were
from the same number. I thought that maybe the teacher was using
different means of contacting Tabitha to protect herself from her own
end and, well, curiosity over this got the better of me.
I opened a random
image in the list and with a pair of fingers stuck deep inside her
thighs while seemingly on her hands and knees crawling toward the
camera. I couldn't help myself as I scrolled through the rest and
each was as depraved as the last and after just a couple minutes I
had managed through all 38 messages. At the end...not a single one of
them was the same woman. I scrolled through some of the older ones
and found indeed repeats, but these messages were coming once a day
from all of them and among them were a couple of pregnant women
really advertising out their stomachs.
I put my phone
down once I got through an entire weeks worth of images. I just
couldn't take anymore and they went on. Though the further I went
back the less messages were sent so it was like Tabitha was just
picking up these women as she went from school to school. Could all
of them have been teachers? I knew I really had to do something now.
I pulled up the first image once more, something I was long since
desensitized to by this point and jotted down the number. I was going
to call her and get to the bottom of it. If not with her then start
there.
I settled after a
bit of contemplating on calling her from my phone. Calling her from
Tabitha's would've told her I had seen the images so it was clear I
needed to be more discreet. That said, I couldn't come right out and
question her about them. But Tabitha was clearly a student we shared,
if I could talk about her then maybe we could work to the photos on a
more organic level. I hoped.
“Hello? Is this
Miss. Finch?” I asked into the phone upon hearing the other end
pick up. You know, how people normally go about making phone calls.
“Yes, who may I
ask is calling?”
“Miss. Donovan,
Theresa Donovan, we met at a teacher conference a few weeks ago?”
Again a question as I wasn't even certain if she could recall my
presence. It was so hectic and I don't even think we were properly
introduced. Her name had crossed my path so I thought that perhaps
mine would ring a bell.
“Yes, I
remember. May I ask what this is about?”
Now came the
troubling part. Tabitha, turn the conversation about her. Small talk
was out of the question as we barely knew one another. Well, I knew
her a little more than she knew me. Okay, a lot more. But just
bringing up Tabitha seemed to be a bit of a problem because...shoot,
how would I know she came from her? It's just Miss. Finch's pictures
were the ones most recently added that...oh, the heck with it. Just
question her.
“I was hoping we
could discuss a student you once had.”
“Oh?”
I could tell she
was already intrigued by the short pause and the shuffling of the
phone in her hand. I would be intrigued, concerned mostly if I had a
teacher call me about having a former student who just so happened to
have naked pictures of myself on their phone. Of course, who's to say
she knew it was Tabitha? The Easter weekend is a hell of a time for
transfer students. I sighed into the phone on that thought alone and
it was picked up wrongly as I heard Miss. Finch click her tongue a
little.
“Nothing bad or
anything, just...Tabitha Connor?”
That was it, it
was time to know first off whether Miss. Finch's sordid relationship
with the student was common knowledge or not. She didn't answer right
away nor did her tone change any, at least not in a big way. I've
dealt with students for the past few years so I can tell when someone
is being fake in their sincerity.
“Yes, I know
her. Is she causing trouble?”
There was
something at the end of her sentence that I just barely managed to
pick up. A clenching noise, almost like her jaw was tightening when
she asked that. I didn't quite know what it meant at the time, but
looking back on it...it was jealousy. Plain and simple jealousy.
Tabitha's attention was her own so who was I to say that she was
becoming a fixture in my life? I had to back out knowing I wasn't
prepared for this kind of conversation.
“N-no, I was
wondering how far along she was in her studies. I was wondering if I
needed to stay with her after class.”
There was a deep
breath at the other end of the line that, again, at the time I could
only guess at how bad it was. It was severely bad.
“I think she's
fine. She doesn't need any private lessons with you.”
And then she hung
up. I sat there holding the phone still to my ear giving the dial
tone a listen for a few moments before ending the call from my end
and resting my cell down. I continued to sit there in silence started
when I hard the bing-bong noise from Tabitha's phone still up in my
kitchen. I didn't want to, and for the longest time I did nothing but
looked at it. I thought what if it was Tabitha sending a message to
gloat or ask if I looked through her photos. Once more I was curious
and decided to take a look. It was a message from Miss. Finch. I
couldn't help but look wondering what she was wanting to tell Tabitha
after I had called her.
It was another
picture. Miss. Finch had pulled her shirt and bra up over her sternum
leaving her breasts open. This was a selfie, a quick ditch effort to
stay ahead of the pack. No, judging by the “Leave that cunt Theresa
Donovan” this was to stay ahead of me.
Wednesday April 4th
2018
The next morning I practically force the phone back in Tabitha's
control the moment I see her. Like usual there's nothing said between
us but I hope my expression tells her everything I want her to know.
How I want out, how I no longer want to have to deal with the things
she's putting me through. I don't want her to trust me I don't even
want her to know me. So I leave it at that and I can only hope that
it's the end of it. Of course, my mind is so preoccupied on life
after Tabitha that I completely forgot I left her a direct reason to
come back to me.
“She really hates you.”
Her
question was joined in by a giggle when she showed off the latest
message Miss. Finch had sent her. I swallowed at the sight of her
body, the horrendous insult, the cat like display of territorial
dominance. Just who was Tabitha to these women? Was she running from
them or making them chase after her? It was difficult to believe it
was anything in the way of the former, not with the attitude she
presented with these things. She was boasting with these details but
it made sense with what she had told me. Simply put, she apparently
gets what she wants. That meant she was probably never going to leave
me alone unless I took a firm hand to things here and now.
“Stop it.”
That was weak. That was incredibly, incredibly weak. I
don't think a mouse would have taken that seriously so it made sense
that Tabitha would only laugh it off.
“I know you've been wondering about me. It's clear
because you've made this much contact with one of my clients.”
“Clients?” I ask back getting a little gumption
going. However, it's nowhere near the level I need to frighten her
off. Maybe if I knew a little more. “What...what exactly are you?”
Either quick witted or she's dealt with this more than
once with her 38 clients, Tabitha pocketed the phone and smiled
looking directly down her nose to me as if to lay it down right then
and there who was the dominant one. In that moment, I can't lie, I
certainly felt my challenging self die down significantly and the
chair I was seated in grow several sizes larger.
“I'm a girl who gets what she wants.”
She reminded me before leaving. Not just the homeroom,
but I assume the school because I never saw her the rest of that day.
It was pleasing but at the same time frightening. I had no idea what
she was planning next or what she was planning at all.
I honestly don't know why I did what I did on the way
home. I made a stop when I never stop for anything. My life was
work-home-work-home with the occasional visit to a local grocery
store over the weekend. Sunday shopping was never a problem of mine,
in fact I welcomed it. At times there are less people in the stores
when they open that day. But this was different, this was a mall
visit and despite my posture of gripping my purse strap in front of
my hunched frame with both hands I was walking with a purpose.
I guess having seen those images I had wanted to try
something myself. I never took the chance to do anything like this
and I was feeling a “why not” come over me. Miss. Finch's
declaration against me was still in my mind but there was nothing I
could do about that. Tabitha...just Tabitha was stuck in my head but
this wouldn't be about her. No, according to one of the self help
books I had read a couple years prior in order to get out from an
abusive relationship you needed to do little things to gradually
build up your self confidence for the initial break. Not that I would
call my relationship with Tabitha that, just I had lost today against
her. She made me feel weak, vulnerable so I guess it is abusive. So
yes, I wanted to do this.
But I didn't want to spend too much time in there so
five minutes after going into the lingerie store I was walking out
with a purchase tucked underneath my coat. It certainly looked like I
was walking out a thief, but I kept the receipt in my visible hand
still clutching to my purse strap. Besides, if security did believe I
looked suspicious I was on my way out peacefully anyway.
During
the evening, the lingerie stayed within the confines of its store
designed purple paper bag all through the dinner prep and through the
meal itself. It remained up on the dining table though directly
across from me the entire time. It acted as some reminder telling me
what I had done, what I needed to do, how much further I had to go if
I was going to say anything at all to Tabitha in the morning. It was
daring me and I felt every ounce of self consciences telling me to
keep away from it. That bad things were afoot inside that bag. But I
couldn't. I apologized to my little cricket friend and grabbed up the
bag and rushed into the bedroom right after the dishes.
Fifteen minutes later I'm standing in the bedroom with
my blanket wrapped over me. My clothes, my underwear, my dignity that
were at first resting gently on the bed were now on the floor when I
took my shield to cover myself up. It was a bad idea as my butt was
aching and my hips felt far too constricted not to mention I over
estimated the exact size of my breasts so there was that level of
uncomfortable freedom to deal with. I get it, some girls don't like
the restricting feeling a bra gives but that was for me. It was a
comfort zone in my opinion. The last bastion of defense against
rainfall or clumsy perverts.
But wearing wasn't going to be enough. Wearing only made
me feel different physically. It made me feel sore, it made me feel
cold, it certainly didn't make me feel empowered. So hunched in my
own little woven fortress of solitude I shuffled to a full length
mirror to look myself over. It took a deep breath first, one that
reminded me of Miss. Finch's halfway through. That was the last thing
I needed to think about. Well, in all honesty, the last thing I
needed to think about was Tabitha and what she would be considering
if she ever saw me like this.
Actually,
come to think of it, that was
the thought process I should have been having. What would Tabitha say
if she saw me like this? She would be shocked, speechless, unable to
smile her annoying little way. With that I flung open my blanket and
observed myself in the faded purple g-string with matching corset
top, both lined with a fair deal of black lace. The corset had a few
garter straps hanging off it and I thought, at first, had I noticed
those I would have bought some nylon stockings to go along with the
outfit. But...no. I shook my head at the thought. A little bounce in
my hair and perhaps some fine jewelry and I could pass as one of
those saloon girls from the old west.
I was quite overly pleased with myself and that's
something that never really happened in my life to this moment. I was
never one to try and shine my way ahead of anyone else in a group. If
I ever knew the wallpaper I was most likely dressing to that at
parties or functions. Well, just functions. But this wasn't the time
for those kinds of thoughts. No, this was a change for myself and I
needed to document this moment.
Over the past few years I was a firm advocate that you
don't take selfies you wouldn't want people to see. That's how you
save yourself, right? Of course, I'd also heard that if you didn't
want your house to be broken into then you don't buy a house. But I
was living in an apartment so that was kinda my excuse in the not
taking overly explicit selfie department. This was different though,
this was me needing this moment when it came time to deal with
Tabitha in the morning.
I
stepped back from the mirror giving myself more room prior to
checking the blinds and curtains. Third floor apartment surrounded by
single floor dwellings doesn't mean you can still relax with your
privacy. They were closed meaning the light above me needed to be on
as the sun was still setting, presumably. With the safety check
finished and my entire body now visible in the mirror, it was time
for the final step as I shrugged off the blanket. Immediately my body
was met with a sudden chill as I stood shivering wishing more for the
blankets warmth than general protection. But despite the chattering
of my teeth, I opted to take what I would describe as the “sexy
standard” putting one hand in behind my head while twisting my hips
and pushing my bottom out just to see how deep that bit of material
was stuck in between my cheeks.
I snapped a quick photo on my phone and before even
looking at it brought the blanket back over myself. For the first
little bit it acted like a pair of mittens while I poked a finger out
so that I could still touch along the screen to look over the image
of myself. It turned out well, as well as my first selfie could have
ever been I suppose. So I was proud of it. I was proud to have it in
my corner. I then left my phone on the dresser and made my way into
the living room looking like a monk with floral printed robes.
That night became something of a celebration for myself.
I vowed to keep the corset and panties on as long as they were
comfortable, which they weren't but it was pride telling me
otherwise. I stayed on the couch under the blanket watching a few of
my programs getting up every now and then to gather up snacks or use
the restroom. After a couple hours of this I was halfway to the
kitchen was I was feeling daring. I tossed the blanket back and told
myself “now I had to.” I still hugged my body and hunched a
little as I walked nervous that at some point someone was going to
come in through the front door.
Another half hour later and I was daring myself to bring
my arms down, to straighten myself out, and wow the difference in
just that was amazing. Strutting around half naked in my apartment
had me feeling more alive than I first felt earlier. It was
exhilarating! The only thing that would have made it better was if
Tabitha could see.
Thursday
April 5th 2018
The next morning was going to be my swan song. I was
prepped, I was ready. Tabitha would not see what was coming her way.
Unfortunately, neither did I. Though that's a bit of a lie, I knew
what I looked like. I especially knew what I looked like in that
photo I took Tabitha was holding out in front of me in the parking
lot.
“You should really be a little more discreet with who
you send these to, Theresa.” She informed me.
My mind was an immediate blur. How did she get a hold of
this picture? I don't remember sending it to anyone at all let alone
Tabitha. Had she been spying on me? No, because this was my picture
she was showing me. Did she hack my phone? Was that possible? How?
How could she have? Yet there it was right on her phone.
“Don't worry, I'll keep this between us.”
She left. Not only with the picture, but with every
ounce of strength I had. I felt my body begin to slouch itself back
forward again. I was the lost little mouse again following after her
at a slow, awkward pace inside of the school. I had no idea how she
had gotten the image nor what she was going to do with it.
By the time I arrived at the doors she was there waiting
for me, her eyes down at her phone as once more I kept myself silent.
“Oh, and I want another one tonight.” She just
pointed out before heading down the hall.
Another one...tonight? Another picture? I hadn't even
sent her one in the first place. What if I didn't oblige her request?
What was she going to do to me? Who was she going to send that
picture to? I had no choice. Blackmail was a terrible thing and here
it was being used on me. I needed time. Thankfully the weekend was
coming up and I could gather up enough wits about myself.
The remainder of the day I did my best not to think
about what was happening. I just tried to remain professional while
Tabitha sat smiling from her desk. Part of me wanted to scream at
her, threaten her right back. But for one, it would have gotten me
nowhere. Second, she wasn't presenting me any reasons to call her
aside. She was being perfect. Just...annoyingly perfect. On the way
out she left me a note with her contact information adding on top “In
case you forgot it”. I wanted to crumple it up and throw it away
but that was the non thinking side of me at play.
That night I just knew I had to do it. I just knew I had
to play along and send her a picture. However, it was so much courage
just to get myself in that lingerie outfit for myself how could I
compare myself to what those other women were sending her? The ones
Tabitha had known I had seen. I couldn't, I really just couldn't. I
wondered if maybe they were all in the same boat, if Tabitha had
blackmailed them all as well and that's why they were doing the
things they did. They perhaps couldn't fight back. But I could.
Tabitha had told me she wanted a picture but she didn't
say how she wanted it. I didn't have to fully play her childish games
and send her something of myself doing something incredibly stupid. I
didn't have to show her anything but my face. I could show her I was
strong against her and the thought brought back the same warm smile
from the night before. That's what I needed to take.
Grabbing up my phone I first opted for the mirror again
but figured against it. I wasn't going to show her any part of my
body below the neck if I could help it. So a simple selfie of my
smiling face. She might think I was pleased by doing this, but the
message I wanted to convey to her was that this was all she was going
to get. I looked through my message history and found I hadn't sent
her anything. It's true she could have destroyed me by sending out
that picture but I felt I knew Tabitha enough that she wouldn't take
that road. Not yet. She came wanting something, she wanted me. She
wasn't going to get me if she forced me away.
So taking the picture I then sent it out to her and
waited for a response. It was quick and it was simple. A single
heart. I tried not to let it throw me off and instead imagined her
gripping her phone, clenching her teeth, growing furious with my
level of integrity I was still showing her. She wasn't going to get
me, I wasn't going to become her whore.
I celebrated myself with a spritzer that night.
Friday
April 6th 2018
Today
was my day. No, no, no. Today was my
day. Tabitha had nothing to her where she could bring me down this
day. I almost felt sorry for her when I came into the classroom.
Honestly, I wanted to see her again in the parking lot to see just
how upset with me she was. But she wasn't there. She wasn't by the
doors either nor in the halls. I figured perhaps she called in sick
and that I wouldn't have to deal with her. Or, better yet, she got
herself into another transfer and was miles away realizing she had no
control over what she wanted. Unfortunately, she was in the classroom
seated at her desk lounging back in her seat staring right at me from
under her brow. Oh, she was mad and as I turned my back I could only
revel in it.
Homeroom
period she must have known what I was thinking the day before because
she was the complete opposite and a single cussword to something I
had brought up was enough for me to give her detention. But...not
alone. No, I was smart enough to know she could turn things so
quickly on me if the two of us were alone. So I scheduled it for the
lunch break. It would be us and any student who felt the need to eat
in the homeroom. There were always a small few gathered in the corner
so it all worked perfectly for me.
Lunch break came and, per usual, there was the small
gathering in the corner, myself, and Tabitha still seated in her far
corner desk. She kept staring at me, almost as if waiting to see how
long it would take until I cracked and perhaps even apologize. Nope.
It wasn't going to happen. She may have had the upper ground on my
life but I could say I had some semblance of a minor victory in
keeping my dignity intact. That's when I heard the chair being set
down across from me desk. Looking up from my papers I saw Tabitha
take a seat resting both hands on my remaining work.
“We're talking.” She said as I rested the paper I
had down. This was inevitable and, honestly, I was curious with what
she wanted to say. “I don't know the level of shit you're trying to
pull here, Theresa, but you don't stop me from what I want.”
I knew it, she hated my image. She was so young, she
didn't know how to argue as I leaned myself forward bringing back my
strict tone of voice keeping it in a hush.
“I don't know who you think you are, Miss. Connor, but
if you speak to me in that tone-”
“Fuck you.” She snapped right back turning her phone
to showcase the picture I had sent her the night before. I worked
hard to hide my smile as I rested back in my seat. “What do you
think you're doing with this? You think you're being cute?”
Oh yeah, my confidence in this was through the roof. She
might as well have just conceded victory to me right then and there.
However, my confidence would soon turn to cockiness as I took a
breath ready to lay it all out there. How there would be no more
photos, how she was not going to do anything with the photo she also
already had, I was even going to bring up how she should apologize to
all the other women sending her those photos and have them even stop.
Oh yeah, I was way up there ready to bring the hammer down.
“Because it's perfect.”
And, as she said that, everything fluttered away once
more. What did she mean perfect? I couldn't help but wonder as she
rested her phone down on the desk between us to where I could see my
own confident smile.
“I thought, when I got here, you were this mousey
little submissive bitch. You were so goody-goody to me treating me
like an equal hoping we could get along hoping you'd be begging for
my better performance. That's what a few of them were like.”
“Few of...”
“Clients. Girls sending me their pictures.”
“Why?”
I blurted out. That was what I wanted to know right from the
beginning. All those long thought patterns, everything was swirling
around that one question that I found myself frustrated when she
shrugged her shoulders.
“Because I told them to.”
“What? Why? Why would you...why would you tell them to
do such a thing?”
“Because they're my bitches. I told you; when I want
something I get it and I wanted them. Now, as I assume you've eluded
to, I want you.”
“You're not getting me.” I said in a strict tone. It
wasn't delivered how I had planned it out the night before in my head
but I had the opening and I needed to get in there quick before she
could again pull the rug right out from under me. “This is one time
you're not getting what you want.”
“No, because I already have it. Your confidence
brought out that little image you took of yourself a few days ago-”
“How did you even get that?”
Tabitha only smiled. I wasn't going to find out, was I?
It was her ace in the hole in getting things on the track in the way
she needed them to be. Like she expected this outcome of me. She had
tamed thirty-eight women before me so it certainly made sense that
she not only had a plan but she had contingency plans made up from
past experiences in case steps of her plans crumbled. It was then
that I realized; my confidence wasn't taking me further away from
her, it was bringing me closer to where she wanted me.
“It was cute how you did it so early too especially
after that lashing Heather gave you.”
I could only assume Heather meant Miss. Finch and her
kindly words about me to Tabitha.
“You so desperately wanted to feel good about
yourself. Not just that but you wanted to feel good to spite me. You
did everything for me. You really want to know how I got that
picture? You. Sent it to me.” I shook my head at that claim but she
gestured down to my phone. “Check your outbox.”
She said and...I obeyed. I could almost feel the joy in
her smile as she watched me pick up the phone doubting my own self.
She made a slight comment about it under her breath but I wasn't
listening. In all honesty, I never even thought to check my outbox. I
was so worried the entire day convinced I didn't send it and whenever
the thought to check did cross my mind I never could. Either I was in
class or driving. Then when I was hit with my confident stride the
thought just seemed unimportant. Looking at it now...no. She was
laughing again.
“You are so easily manipulated. So easily worried that
I could turn you against your own self.”
I switch off my phone and shoot up a glare ready to snap
at her but she's already there touching a hand along the side of my
face.
“So
why did
you send me your smiling face?”
To
make you stop, is what I wanted to say to her. Unfortunately, that
seemed impossible with everything she had just told me. I wanted her
to stop but, at the same time, I wanted her attention. That's what it
truly was. It felt like I wanted her to notice me, to have to notice
me. But in a way I wanted. She finally pulled her hand away and
brought back the smile, the exact same smile I had come to hate. But
this time I felt relieved to see it. It was a hard feeling.
“I want you to have a good weekend, Theresa.” She
said before coming up from her seat and simply walked out of the
classroom. People obviously saw what was going on and I was now more
worried than I was before. What were they thinking? But above all
that, what was Tabitha thinking?
It was another defeat going home. The entire week it
felt like I just couldn't win and whenever I thought I was ahead
Tabitha was still just waiting for me to saunter up to her. My night
became quiet. Quiet night, quiet meal, I don't even think I had a lot
to eat. My thoughts seemed to be my feast and I was just full of
Tabitha and her views about me. Not only that but my views about
myself. Did I truly do all of that for her? Then when she told me to
have a good weekend...
I found myself looking into my underwear drawer where I
had the freshly cleaned g-string and corset buried deep in the
bottom. Just seeing the pair brought back fond memories of the last
time I felt truly happy. Arriving into school this morning was warm,
but it wasn't what I was after. Feeling good, looking good, being
good.
“Have a good weekend” The words just kept repeating
in my mind and I knew what they meant. I needed to do this again, I
needed that feeling of not being the self that I've projected for so
long. The self that I wanted to be. So I undressed and slipped into
the faded purple dual set once more fixing up the buttons on the
front of the corset and looking myself over in my mirror. I liked
what I saw but it wasn't...it wasn't doing it for me in the same way.
I felt like a lie, like this was some dirty secret only kept for
myself. What good was being sexy if there was no one to share it
with?
It wasn't long until I was holding onto my phone
pointing it at my reflection. I closed my eyes and bit hold of my
lower lip and snapped the picture. The first step was done. Next up
was opening up my message centre. Tabitha's name was still right
there at the top above my parents as most recently contacted. I
selected her name and added in the picture looking it over. I started
to think to myself “Am I really” and I sent. Before I could even
finish, I sent the image to Tabitha.
I was petrified especially when she replied. I had no
idea what was going on but I opened it and saw a single heart. I
dropped down on my bed...relieved.
Saturday
April 7th 2018
I woke up feeling a bit of pain once more around my
hips. It was a groan worthy morning as I realized I had, again,
fallen asleep in the g-string and corset number. It still wasn't
something I was used to so I knew peeling the panties off was going
to be a real treat, sarcasm train riding high on that one.
During my morning shower I kept thinking about what I
had done the night before. Whether it was truly the best option or
not. I enjoyed hearing back from Tabitha the way I did, and it wasn't
as though we were having sex. Just...the next thing below it. No, the
next thing below would be...I couldn't. I really shouldn't. Not this
early in the morning, I'd look desperate for her attention. It seemed
everyone else sending her images always sent them in the afternoon or
evening.
Which would be perfect for me to get the leg up.
Though it's the weekend, they've most likely already
sent Tabitha something.
Or they're sleeping in. Maybe they have plans, maybe
they're approach is they get sexy in the evening.
Why was I even thinking like that? Why was I laughing
about it? Why was I already considering it?
Because I was already naked. Wet. There was a mirror
nearby. Nothing could have made this into the perfect time.
I stopped the shower and just stood there letting the
water wash down over my feet from the faucet truly thinking. This
couldn't have been for me. No, it would've all been for Tabitha. To
show her I was hers, that I was crossing that final line that held my
dignity. But her approval.
I stepped out of the shower grabbing hold of a fluffy
white towel and began patting myself dry looking into the mirror.
Thankfully it was covered from the steam and wiping would have done
nothing. A saving grace, I thought, but reason for disappointment. I
really wanted to take that picture. To feel sexy, to feel dangerous.
I quickly remembered my full body mirror and thought how I had to do
this.
So into my room where I grabbed up the phone and stood
in front of the mirror readying to capture my image. Oh god I looked
so horrible, so desperate. It almost felt like if I just took a
picture of myself like this it would come across as some factory
grade nude selfie. Like I just gave up and Tabitha shouldn't care
about me. I remembered the other pictures, how the women in them were
posed. Sexually explicit but maybe because they had given up. Maybe
they thought that's what Tabitha wanted. However, if that was the
case then why would she keep looking?
That's when I began to think; what was it about me she
wanted? Who was I that differed from everyone else? I wasn't sexy, I
wasn't forceful, I was...
Realizing the shot I needed to take, I looked back at
the moist towel resting over the bed. I grabbed it and pulled back my
sheets just a small bit. Like I had sneaked my way out of bed getting
out to not disturb the other side. I rested the towel alongside my
body and turned alongside the mirror so it would be a sideways shot.
I didn't smile because this wasn't some glamour shot. It was just
supposed to be...me. Like I was surprised but welcoming. I took the
picture and without hesitation I sent it to Tabitha. I then just sat
at the edge of my bed, still naked, letting the air dry my skin off
as I waited for her response.
I was just about at the point of thinking this was
stupid, just sitting here to catch a cold, when I got the
notification of her response. A deep exhale of confidence building
before opening it It was above and beyond what I had expected. The
last one got a heart, and flipping through all her other messages
when I had her phone the heart was her standard response. This one
was a full on “Thank you” followed by a smiley and then another
message preceded it.
“Not just for becoming mine, but for staying yours.”
Wednesday
April 11th 2018, Epilogue
Tabitha wasn't in class Monday, I had found out she
transferred yet again to another school. I was saddened by this fact,
obviously, as for one she never brought it up to me but second
because I thought I would never get to hear directly from her what
she thought. Aside from the responses to the photos I send her daily
now. I wanted to hear her in person once more.
At least that's how it was until today's response to my
photo. First, I had learned how to set a timer for my phone's camera
and that's really opened the door for my photos. Aside from the first
I've never sent Tabitha a truly nude selfie. Just glimpses from my
own life where I've taken the extra step in becoming sexy, I thought.
Today's was a shot of myself bent forward to tie my shoes leaving
just enough under my shirt exposed. Nothing was really visible but I
think that's what she enjoyed.
But
with it, to be cute, I sent her a message reading “Forever yours”.
In quick response Tabitha replied
“Not
yet”
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