Skyrim Legendary Journal Three

Sundas, 23^rd of Sun's Dusk

After running a few tasks for the Whiterun Jarl, which won't be gotten into here for the sake of keeping this journal credible, I was rewarded with a housecarl named Lydia. She seems...nice. A bit distant at times though. I suppose it comes with her job. I'm sure she wasn't just lying around in storage waiting to be pulled out. When she described her position as being someone who will watch over me to her death I could detect the part of disappointment in her tone. Reading up on her in the barracks I've come to learn I'm not her first. Meaning she's not very good or my predecessors were complete failures that she couldn't do anything about. I think she's waiting to see how long it takes for me to die.

Camping out tonight, I'm going to test Lydia's skills in the morning. I see some bandits have moved into Embershard mine. Wonder what they thought about the bridge. I could also use some iron ore. Came across a spell at Halted Stream Camp. Took a few efforts to get in, had to retreat the first couple times. But found spell that can transmute iron ore to silver to gold. Pretty useful but require more iron. I'll do that and Lydia can show me what she can do.

It slipped. Before falling asleep, I called Lydia anar losa. I don't think she knew what it meant. Still, talked about the frost until she fell asleep. Don't know why this is going in, posterity perhaps. We all make mistakes. Contemplated, but not writing about it tonight.

Morndas, 24^th Sun's Dusk

Lydia did alright. Mostly kept behind me. No one outside, guess they didn't think of that like the last group. Those in were mining. Short work of them, Lydia didn't even draw her sword. “You're the front assault, Lydia.” “Yes, my Thane.” So dry I could almost feel the crunch of her words. Is this duty not what she wanted? Figured we could attack next set from both sides. Left Lydia by the bridge and I opened and readied. No one came. These bandits are different than the last set. Took the rest out. Let Lydia show me what she could do with the last one. Impressive enough, she held her own. Should've given her more to do. Instincts of being alone all this time kicked in. Through it all she appeared distant.

Encountered second skooma dealer. Let Lydia work her over for a while but orc was stronger than first thought. Not that Lydia was down and out, just she could take a real beating. She went off running after a bit. Moving target. Sighed when her body rolled down the hill. More skooma. Lydia asked if I was going to get rid of it. I told her “yes”.

Turdas, 27^th of Sun's Dusk

Bought and set up Breezehome. Little shack in Whiterun. Figure if I wasn't working too hard with Dark Brotherhood they'd want me out at some point. Would still need a roof and this place was being offered. Wandered back though on the way came across begger child. Lucia. Mother died and her aunt and uncle kicked her off farm. Gave her a coin, wanted to do more. Did do more. Mama. That's what she called me. Thought I didn't want children but wanted to help. Lydia seemed happy about it though. First time I saw her smile. It was a good sight. Making my mark, changing lives. What I came here for, right?

Mordas, 1^st of Evening Star

I was a mom today! Why am I so happy about that? I made Lucia happy with a new dress before sending her off to bed. She complained but I told her Aunt Lydia and I were going to sleep as well. It just came out and Lydia appeared a little uncertain about it. Making a family? Was it a mistake? Now I really have to keep this journal to myself. Though shouldn't care what the thoughts or concerns are. Lydia's seen me writing in here and hasn't asked about it. Maybe she knows. Maybe she's surprised I haven't died yet. Dragon fight in Riverwood. Watching Lydia take a few direct blasts of ice made me concerned. Wished I could do more. Lydia didn't even take cover. Did she want to die? Does she hate serving me that much? After the fight she didn't seem pleased or anything, she just wanted to keep moving. “We should keep going, my Thane”. I hadn't even told her what we were doing yet.

Mordas, 4th of Morning Star

It's been a while since this was written in. Been prepping for the climb up to the Greybeards. Think I;m about ready. Bit energetic. Been holding onto them for the past few months, finally tried it. Skooma is...

Turdas, 7^th of Morning Star

Wandered throughout Windhelm looking for a few bits of enchanted gear. Stumbled across child selling flowers. Cheap prices, cheaper than most alchemist shops. Homeless, parents were both lost. Couldn't stop myself. Now have two daughters.

Sundas, 11^th Morning Star

On the way to Ivarstead, cleared out bandit camp at Valtheim Towers. Valtheim Bridge would have been better, given the towers weren't much of anything but meh, I guess it's why I don't name things. Figured since it would be a long way between there and Ivarstead decided to camp there for the night. Pretty sure bandits didn't mind. Did kinda chuckle when I hit one off the top of the right tower and watched them fall straight down.

While there, couldn't help but ask about Lydia, why she's been so...distant. So uncaring even. When I used that word she seemed distraught by it. Told her about the bit of research I had done and she filled in the blanks for me. As I suspected, I'm not her first Thane or even person of protective values. Or whatever a proper term would be. She grew up an orphan outside Whiterun. Bandit attack killing everyone in the farm. I can relate. She got by teaching herself to swing a sword and taking various challenges and tournaments. One she was instructed to lose because of her opponent. She didn't hold back and nearly bested the future Jarl of Whiterun when he was just a young adult. Mage cast a bit of paralysis from the sidelines to her ankle stumbling her. Took a hit across the jaw and lost. Long story short, they were impressed they made her a housecarl. Since then though, her “clients”, I guess, were either headstrong, sexist, or just plain stupid. All died under her watch in situations she couldn't do anything about. Now it's come to me. Swore I wouldn't die under her watch. She didn't seem to believe me. Told her I'd use the rest of my life to prove to her that. Got a cute smile in response.

As I figured she would, she asked my story and how I came to Skyrim. Like myself, she looked into my past a little and found I was at Helgen during dragon attack. Looking into it a little more, she found only those under order of execution passed into the gates that day. And a dragon. However, my name wasn't on the list and such a thing confused her. So told her there was a reason for that.

Like her, my family's farm outside Anvil was attacked by bandits. They took me to work on their weapons and other assorted gear. Broke away before we even got back to their camp. They didn't bother chasing me, figured I'd die in the wilderness. Wandered for days until I came to a temple just north of Bruma. It was old, occupied by some high elves. Took me in, though doubt it was out of kindness. They needed someone to hunt, gather, basically make sure they didn't die of starvation. Taught me to use a bow and ax, taught me to conjure flames for cooking and a small healing spell so I didn't just die on the way back from hunting. They figured if I could just make it to their doorstep with the goods it was enough. Did that for a few years until one was freaking out. He had left some document out in the open on his desk and accused me of spying. Said I took it out myself though I had been out hunting. My excuse didn't work, I was shipped up to Skyrim to avoid anyone finding out about the incident he caused and told the guards I was to be in and dead in as much a discreet manner as possible. Must've been some officer cause the guard listened and willingly obeyed. Then I was brought to Helgen.

Such a downer evening, insisted we do something fun at some point. Lydia reminded me of civil war going on so not much fun was there. She did suggest Feast of the Dead held in Windhelm on Sun's Dawn the 13^th. Better then nothing. So made plans. First date. That just stays in here.

Tindas, 20^th of Morning Star

Home getting crowded with Sophie now a part of the family. That and no arcane enchanter or alchemy lab. Tired of running to Dragonsreach everytime I want to do something. Lydia suggested building. Did get a note for it at some point. Build around Falkreath.

Took a look. Nice place, reminds me of home. Plenty of trees and the area has a lake around it. Told Lydia this would be it. She said something official with “Thane” in there but I could see her smiling. Though maybe that's me. Just a few weeks until the 13^th. What am I going to wear?

Met the Jarl on the same day. He's...young. Corrupt perhaps. Deal with bandits went wrong, now we gotta take care of bandits. Huge sigh, but if it's going to get us our home then I will. Shouldn't be too hard. That and it's a mine. If it's iron then I can transmute it.

Orichalcum. I can sell it.

21^st of Morning Star

Finally purchased Lakeview Manor. 5000 gold. Petty cash by this point. Not that I'm overly rich. Should probably not write about finances. But I got a system now. Potions. Everyone wants them but me. At least most of the ones I make. Some people can't even afford them now. I'm smiling as I write this, so you know.

Began construction of Lakeview manor. The plot is a fair sized one and I believe I'll be running back to blacksmiths and such for iron. Mill close by has the wood I need. Although was a bit hesitant, given that's where I assassinated a vampire. The now owner's husband. Yeesh. Luckily I was quiet about it all and she didn't know it was me. Bought plenty of wood. Enough for the building and...a little as a apology.

Came back home for more materials to build up the specialty parts of the house, alchemy and enchanting tables, only to find my daughters fighting among one another. They were shouting insults back and forth, childish ones, I just listened and chuckled until Sofia threw out one that I'm sure she's only heard from Windhelm; elf ears. That hurt me more than it did Lucia, I'm sure. Elf ears. I would have sat her down but...elf ears. Does she even love me anymore?

30^th of Morning Star

Sofia must have known how much her words hurt me. I came home for more supplies and she was there waiting with a gift. She didn't say it was for the remark she gave her sister, but I knew it was her way of apologizing still to me. I accepted it and smiled letting her run off. To be honest, elf ears are cute. Maybe she was just trying to throw that in there to say she liked hanging out with Lucia. Mammoth snouts are pretty useful too.

Morndas, 9^th of Sun's Dawn

The day the last bit of supplies was finally transferred to Lakeview. Finally, Lydia and I can relax with plenty of time before the festival. She knew I was worried about that and did her best to build up her own pace. Thought about moving down the daughters too, but three dragon attacks, one giant wandering and staying in our yard, plus the frostbite spiders in the area and a necromancer altar just in our backyard...think I might keep them in Breezehome for the time being. Ysolde owes me the favor, she can look after them. Hardly there anyway.

13^th of Sun's Dawn

Feast of the Dead, as was informed by the inn keeper, was being held that year in two establishments. The inn itself and the Palace of Kings. That party was a by invitation only banquet so Lydia and I stayed for the festival at the inn. Better that way anyway, less formal, more fun. What I wanted. After celebrating the names of Ysgammar's fellow companions, all 500 of them, we told stories. When it came to my turn, I told them of the trolls of Darkshade and how they were plaguing travellers to Ivarstead. Cleared it out. When asked what I was going there for, as it was an out of the place way, I stammered. Didn't want to mention anything about being Dragonborn. Figured I didn't want to make it seem like I was making up stories to their celebrations. Luckily, Lydia chimed in telling of how we had heard of phantom stories out of Shroud Hearth Barrow and went to investigate. She told of how an elf was using a potion to scare people off until we came in. She even used one of the two potions we had to prove it and people were amazed. Lydia as a ghost...still couldn't keep my eyes off her.

As we stayed up late, we kept to the inn for the night. One bed. Had to share it. Best night of my life.

Morndas, 23^rd of Sun's Dawn

Came home after a lengthy vacation of visiting various cities and setting up for a new set of gear. When we returned, the sky was filled with the ribbon lights dancing all around the moon. It was gorgeous. Lydia and I stood out there for what seemed like an eternity. Said we should go up to the deck above the alchemy lab, though when we came out the lights were gone. She seemed upset but looking at her, I told her the view was just fine.

2^nd of First Seed

Came to Falkreath to do business. Dragon. Usual. Fighting it with Lydia and a full fleet of guards. Got a frost attack from behind. Second dragon. Two. At the same time. Barely survived. Had to heal Lydia at the end, she called me a priest. I doubt I'd ever be something like that. No Divine would want me as their voice. Deadra, though, have called out to me. Maybe give them a listen.

Tundas, 19^th of First Seed

On the way to retrieve staff for someone at the college with Lydia. Spent the night at Autumnshade Clearing. Spriggan and wild beasts there to deal with first. Hunter's corpse, plenty of ingredients. Lydia commented on glowing bugs dancing in the air above us. I'll be taking her to more of these kinds of places.

Fredas, 20^th of First Seed

Came across two guards fighting trolls. Helped out. Souls and fat, good payment I suppose. Apparently it's a skooma den they were defending. About to investigate. Lydia should be okay with it by now. Can't control my hands. Shaking. Stop writing now.

Inside, first, was horrific. Addicts both dying and dead in their rooms. Had to clear out a body for a private room. Woke up later in some cage, about to be turned into some thrall. Lydia noticed the bite marks along my neck. Already feasted, already all dead now. Every last one of them. The vampires, the guards, the clerks. Everyone. Lydia's been watching me closely. No vampirism. Guess they were just using me as livestock. Hall of Vigilance. Heard vampires had attacked there a few months back. I'll use them all for target practice.

Lydia talked to me about the addicts we saw, about the Redwater skooma I took, and about the skooma I was still holding. Told her I had it for investigative purposes. She's no longer buying that. Had an argument. Had to take two bottles that night to calm my nerves enough to sleep. Couldn't believe my thoughts as I watched her sleep. Just my dragonbone ax Magua into her head and my troubles would be over. Horrific yet strangely alluring thoughts. What's happening to me? Vampire bite. That's what it is. I'll join Dawnguard, kill every last vampire in Skyrim if it means I can look at Lydia the same way I was before. The way I saw her last night.

Loredas, 4^th of Rain's Hand

Was propositioned for a job collecting goods from a destroyed vessel. Only catch was I had to destroy it by disrupting the flame at the lighthouse by Solitude. Lydia warned me about this, but the money seemed too good to be true for such a job. Went through with it and arrived at the wreckage. Those there had already taken everything, including the lives of the survivors, and looked to do the same for myself and Lydia but we managed to fight our way out. We then confronted the Argonian who first set this job up and dispatched of him and his crew.

Lydia wasn't too happy by the end of it. The lives lost for nothing. She said I was losing my way, that I should follow the rumors and travel to Solstheim so I could learn what it meant to be Dragonborn once more.

5^th of Rain's Hand

Lydia will be staying at Lakeview. She says she'll be visiting the children in Whiterun periodically, which is a weight off my mind. Found myself wanting to hug her, but felt it might be wrong. I gave her a final glance before heading out the door. Never felt this lonely before.

Tirdas, 7^th of Rain's Hand

Arrived in Solstheim to an eerie feeling. People building rocks, muttering to themselves, when I investigated I blacked out. Woke up sometime later working on the same rock. Took me a bit to clear my head of the voices. That's when I met Frea, a Skall, she called herself, in search of her missing villigers. She reminded me of Lydia at first, features in her face, hardness of her armor. But couldn't think of that. In fact, when I did it made me nervous. Needed skooma to relax.

17^th of Rain's Hand

Made a mistake and it cost another innocent their life. Frea wept all evening and into the night over the loss of her father when I brought back one of Hermaeus Mora's books. It took everything and despite my best efforts to stop it, I couldn't. Felt myself retreating to a concealed area and before I knew it my hand was grasping tightly to another bottle of skooma. This isn't what I came here for. But I can't do this alone. Going back for Lydia. I hope she's forgiven me by now.

Middas 22^nd of Rain's Hand

Had to test out Lydia once more, make certain she hadn't gone soft in the two long weeks we were apart. Decided to go through a mine people were saying Reavers took refuge in. Reavers, just another name for bandits it seems. Cleared out everyone and in the main chamber there was some sort of trap. I convinced Lydia there with a shout and pulled the lever sending her into the water below. Feels good having her back. I missed her. When I jumped down to join her, she first seemed angry...but then smiled. She even laughed when I was practicing some necromancy. It wasn't the necromancy, but the fact that when I armed the zombie...it took off. I assume. It stopped following after a while and I haven't seen it since. I wish her well.

30^th of Rain's Hand

Demanded payment from someone for someone I got a job for. I gave the money with my apologies and then tried to steal it back. Obviously he drew a blade on me so he needed to die. Took the money and persuaded the guards to let me go. Needed to go back to talk with the inn keeper but the guard still seemed to have a problem with Lydia so he attacked her on sight leaving me alone. A guard outside, after Lydia killed the indoor guard, accosted me and I took Lydia's jail time. I swear I'll get her back for this. Nice cell though. Nicest one I've been put into.

11^th of Second Seed

Discovered the Thirsk Meadhall full of...impish creatures. They told me, surprisingly enough, to run a few errands for them. Again, I wasn't here for that, so when I found those that were run out I helped them to reclaim it. Then I accompanied the former leader to some ruin where she'd be given her right of leadership once more. She was denied, called lazy, but she asked me to keep that a secret. I did. I didn't want to cause anymore trouble. If I told, I figured there'd be in fighting for a new leader. I hope I made the right choise.

13^th of Mid Year Loredas

For the first time I was infected with the vampiric disease. Presumably by some vampires who tried to corner me along the road. Four, to be exact. They weren't much trouble but I guess one got a good bite in. Cured it, but it's another reason I have to go to the Dawnguard. Eventually. There's...other things on my mind. Things I need to write about privately. Away from Lydia's eyes. I'll let her see soon. She's been reading along thus far. I don't mind that she does. I like it actually. I like her.

23^rd of Mid Year

I couldn't wait any longer. It's as the priest said; life is short in Skyrim. So, calling Lydia up to the top balcony of Lakeview, I proposed. She accepted. Now we're engaged. It's funny. I never thought this is where my life would lead me but...I more than like Lydia, I love her. I missed her greatly when we were apart, I worry when we get separated while out travelling, she's one of the few people I've met out here who cares for my well being. Everyone seems to expect something but she's always there never asking for anything. She's smart, lovely, and I could keep on gushing but I won't.

After the proposal we spent most of the night talking about wedding plans. She said she wanted it simple. Close friends and any relatives that could come. We won't get it done right away though, we'll decide a date later. Also, while our service will be watched under the eyes of Mara, Lydia also wants Dibella's blessing as well. There's nothing wrong with that, we'll travel to Markarth soon for that. It'll be a long journey. Plenty of time for talk.

There's something else. Last night I had...dreams. Dreams of snow and ice, a large, unearthed structure, and an underground city shrouded in darkness but massive in size. Then I heard his voice, the voice I thought I had escaped. His books can't even be opened this far from Solstheim. But I heard him. Hermaeus Mora. He commands more of me.

I must obey.